What Actually Happens in an EMDR Session

Most people who reach out about EMDR have already read the clinical definition somewhere. What they actually want to know is quieter and more honest: what is this going to feel like? Will I have to relive the worst thing that happened to me? Will I lose control?

I’m Masood Suliman, a Registered Psychotherapist in Hintonburg, Ottawa, and EMDR is a large part of my work with trauma and PTSD. So here is what actually happens in a session, in plain language, including the parts the textbooks skip. If you want the overview of how I offer it locally, you can also read my EMDR therapy in Ottawa page.

What EMDR actually is (the way I explain it in the room)

At its core, EMDR works on the same principle as exposure-based therapy: we don’t avoid the difficult memory, we turn toward it in a careful, structured way. But unlike traditional exposure, you don’t have to retell the event in detail, and you stay fully awake and in control the whole time. This isn’t hypnosis.

It is also not fringe. EMDR is recommended as a first-line treatment for PTSD by the World Health Organization, and it is recognized by EMDRIA, the EMDR International Association, of which I am a member.

Here is the shape of it. First, we identify the memory we’re working with, and I ask how distressing it feels today, on a simple 0-to-10 scale. That number tells us how much the past is still living in your present.

Then we find the negative belief that got wired in alongside the event. Almost always, it lands in one of two places: “I did something wrong,” or “there’s something wrong with me.” I think of that belief as a protective mechanism, not a flaw. When something overwhelming happened, your brain needed to make sense of it and get back a feeling of control. If I did something wrong, I can avoid doing it again and stay safe. If something is wrong with me, I can fix it and stay safe. It was your mind keeping you safe with the information it had at the time.

In a processing session, we hold that memory in mind, along with the belief, the emotions, and the sensations in your body, and pair it with bilateral stimulation, often guided eye movements. That is what helps the brain reprocess the memory. The aim is to bring the distress down, so the memory is stored as something that happened, rather than something that keeps happening.

As the distress settles, that old negative belief stops fitting, because your nervous system finally registers that the danger has passed. We replace it with a truer, positive belief, clear any leftover tension from the body, and close the session.

In my experience, this is the point where people exhale. The two things they were quietly dreading, having to relive every detail out loud, or being put “under” somehow, just aren’t part of it. You share only what you choose to, you stay awake and in charge, and the work moves at the pace your nervous system can handle.

What a processing session actually feels like

This is the part people can’t quite picture beforehand, so let me describe it.

When we begin, it can feel like you are in two places at once: one foot in the memory, one foot here in the office with me. We call that dual awareness, and it is the whole point. You are not pulled back into the past and abandoned there; you stay anchored in the safety of the present while we work with the past together.

As we reprocess, the emotion often rises a little before it comes down, and it is worth knowing that in advance. People frequently tell me the first stretch felt difficult, and then, set by set, they notice it starting to get easier. That arc, up a little and then down, is normal and expected. I check in with you constantly, and you can pause at any point. You are never doing this alone or on autopilot.

How it’s different for complex or childhood trauma

Not all trauma is treated the same way, and this is where careful pacing matters most.

For a single, recent event, EMDR can often move fairly directly. For complex or childhood trauma, going straight into processing can overwhelm a nervous system that has been shaped by years of it, so I start somewhere different.

First, I spend real time assessing your tolerance for positive feeling. It sounds surprising, but for many people with early trauma, sitting with something pleasant, calm, or even just neutral can itself feel unsafe. If that is the case, we gently build that capacity first. Alongside it, we assess your tolerance for the harder material, the memory and the emotions it carries. You need a workable amount of both before we reprocess anything, and building that isn’t a detour from the work; it is the work.

When a memory is simply too charged to approach head-on, I will often reach for the Flash Technique, an evidence-informed method that lowers the intensity without you having to consciously focus on the memory, before we return to it with EMDR. If complex trauma is your situation, my guide to complex PTSD treatment in Ottawa goes deeper into how the pieces fit together.

When trauma is tangled up with culture or faith

Some of the most delicate EMDR work I do is with cultural and religious trauma, because of how it tends to present. Often a client feels deep guilt simply for feeling bad about what happened to them. They worry that naming the harm means villainizing a parent, a teacher, or their faith, and the shame can run so deep that they conclude it must have been their fault.

For example, someone carrying trauma connected to a parent may not want to call it trauma at all, or look at how it still affects them today, because they don’t want to see their parent as a bad person; they want to be good to them. When that sits alongside a faith that holds parents in very high status, speaking about the wound can feel like betraying a parent, or betraying their religion. So they stay silent, and the shame stays put.

The work here is patient. We slow down and separate the feeling and the body sensation from the narrative of shame wrapped around it. Once those come apart, it becomes possible to see the difference between the shame spiral and the traumatic event itself, and then we can approach the event through an EMDR and reprocessing lens, rather than through the guilt.

What I want clients to know is this: acknowledging that something hurt you, and honouring the people and traditions you love, are not opposites. You can hold both. EMDR doesn’t ask you to blame anyone. It helps your nervous system set down a weight it has been carrying, often for a very long time.

What change actually looks like

A moment of change is usually quiet. It is when you start to feel a little more empowered, when the old negative belief begins to loosen and the new one starts to feel true. “It was my fault” becomes “I did nothing wrong.” “I am not safe” becomes “I have control now.” “That was horrible back then” settles into “and I am okay today.”

When that shift happens on the inside, it tends to show up in daily life too. The triggers lose some of their charge. You approach situations more from choice than from survival. People often describe it as finally being able to show up as themselves, instead of the braced, on-guard version that trauma kept them locked into.

I can’t promise a timeline or a guaranteed outcome, and no honest therapist can. But this is the direction the work moves in, and it is why I do it. Where trauma is also straining a relationship, you may find my piece on how PTSD affects relationships helpful too.

Questions people ask

Will I have to relive my trauma in detail? No. EMDR doesn’t require a detailed retelling, and with the Flash Technique you don’t even have to consciously focus on the memory. What you say out loud is always your choice.

Is EMDR hypnosis? No. You are fully awake, aware, and in control the entire time. Dual awareness, staying anchored in the present, is built into how it works.

How will I feel during a session? Emotion often rises a little before it settles. I pace it with you, and we close every session grounded, so you leave regulated, not raw.

Does EMDR work for complex or childhood trauma? Yes, with the right preparation. We build your tolerance for both calm and difficult feeling first, and reprocess only when your system is ready.

Starting EMDR in Ottawa

You don’t need to know whether EMDR is right for you before you reach out; that is what a first conversation is for. You can read more about how I work on my EMDR therapy in Ottawa page, or get in touch whenever you are ready.

If you are currently in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, please reach out for immediate support: call or text the National Suicide Crisis Helpline at 988 (24/7), the Distress Centre of Ottawa and Region at 613-238-3311, or 911 if you are in immediate danger.

This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice or therapy. Reading it does not create a therapist-client relationship.